#286: Awakening Heart

Four years ago on this exact day, Julie Sun wrote a piece titled, “Busy. This timeless piece, linked here, has changed the way I look at my daily agendas and what I make time for. I am often reminded of the revelations I had while reading Julie’s words. 

But in my piece below, I share about one particular instance where I consciously decided to simply not be too busy, and instead started a new routine. Now, it turns out that this very simple routine doesn’t take time, but makes time throughout my week, helping me to feel more grounded and restored. 

- Amanda

Awakening Heart

I had a last minute cancellation in a work agenda a few months back on a sunny Monday afternoon. Naturally, my next thought was: "Okay, now how can I fill that time? What should I get a head start on?"

I reluctantly pulled out my laptop and stared at my screen. I felt drained on this particular summer afternoon. But it was only 2pm, so I knew I needed to move past that feeling and not waste time. I had so much that still needed doing, and this was an opportunity to get it done.  

But then I took a breath and sat still with my thoughts for a few seconds. 

I asked, "What do I really need at this moment?" 

I suddenly became more conscious of the incessant negative thoughts that kept trickling in that day. The ones that took me far away from the present moment. And then I came face to face with the realization: maybe these defeating thoughts weren't just visiting on this Monday afternoon, but they really had been nesting in my mind the last few weeks. And they had been draining. I knew I needed to make some sort of change, even if very small, to help shift the energy inside me. 

So instead of "powering through" another typical day and continuing through the motions, I closed my laptop, leashed my dogs, and walked out the door. 

I roamed around with headphones in, and decided to listen to the first episode of a health podcast I’d been really wanting to start over the summer. The one that I guess I’d been "too busy" to tune in to at all. When the 20-minute episode concluded, I hit play on another. And then one more after that on a different topic.  

After over an hour of walking under the midday summer sun that beat down on my shoulders, I made the turn back up my driveway. I felt like a new person, one with a different mindset. Maybe it was the oxygen-high or the sunshine, but along with the sweat came this new rush of enthusiasm and inspiration.  

I vividly remember these feelings because of the change of heart that I experienced. It had actually felt more rewarding to avoid knocking off another item on my to do list in order to stay busy. Instead, I felt rejuvenated, and very grateful that I took the time to just do something for my well-being. That felt more productive in a sense.  

Now, I tune into that very podcast a few times a week, usually when I’m out walking my dogs… and it serves as a great break or re-set. It has not only provided me with interesting insights, tips, etc. for living more intentionally on a personal and professional level, but it has become the pastime that has given me the space and peace of mind whenever I need. It feels almost meditational.  And after taking that time, I come back to whatever I had been working on more energized and focused. 

I realized it can be easy for me to get swept away in the vicious cycle of continually saying I’m too busy to incorporate the things I really want to in my day. 

But then I think back to when Julie Sun drew out the word in Chinese that means 'busy'. She shared that the word directly translated literally means "heart dying." And wow. That caused a mental shift for me. It struck me so much that, to this day, whenever someone asks me how I've been or what I've been up to, I make sure to avoid responding with, "Just busy," even if that's true. I try to instead answer with some small joy that’s been going on/has happened in my life. And I’ve noticed that it changes the dynamic of the conversation and perhaps the other person is, too, inspired to think that way and share something in a similar light. 

Julie also shares that she decides to move forward only when feeling in alignment with her heart. And I realized that sometimes I need to switch up the dynamic of my days in order to keep my mind and heart in synchrony.  

I am grateful for that Monday cancellation and the way I used my time to do something that would increase the joy in my heart rather than the productivity in my work. It was a personal awakening in that I truly felt how doing something that’s purely good for the soul can give me that boost when I need it. And then that can fuel the spark and energy I put into other areas of my life. 

So now, not only do I attempt to not tell others about my being busy, but I also don’t tell myself that I don’t have the time to do something for me, whether that be listening to my favorite podcast or going out for a run through the woods, headphone-free.

 I don't want to be too busy for people. And I don’t want to be too busy to invest in myself either. Because at the end of the day, I want to close my eyes knowing I did the small things that would help grow and expand myself and soul, so that it remains present and open and loving for others, too.