CFC Blog #20: 'Busy' in Chinese
Amanda and I write lead ins to many of the pieces in part to provide a sense of the space of this backbeat of the community and perhaps to share what effect the writer had on one of us. I suspect this note from Julie might pack such a huge wallop for so many of us that my lead in is that I have no lead in that might fully do justice. I will keep processing for a long long while. Thank you Julie Sun! Pip
--- Quick backgrounder on the Chinese language--
Chinese language is a visual language. The written characters are systemized drawings as it evolved through time. Example below.
--- Quick backgrounder on the Chinese language--
My family immigrated to the U.S. when I was 11 so I learned both Chinese and English through grade school education. Throughout the years, I found Chinese to be helpful in giving me a different way to think when when pondering... Here is one account...
It was during a period when my life was feeling like an endless sprint. I was tired and frustrated more often than I'd like. I wasn't smiling much and the "I'm thinking" look, with the creases between my brows, was turning into permanent wrinkles. I was SOOOO busy everyday... juggling, solving, getting things done. At first, I was proud of being capable, fast, efficient. I was a productivity machine! As time progressed, I couldn't help but feel like something was missing.... a hamster on a wheel...
My calendar dragged me from meetings to tasks back to meetings, while that feeling of something amiss got bigger inside. Eventually, I couldn't avoid it anymore. I forced myself to take a few days to just sit. sit. sit.
Schedule nothing. Do nothing.
Be quiet. Be with my thoughts.
I asked myself why am I doing more than ever, but not feeling happy? Why I have so much, but feel so empty? First, I was annoyed by not being able to be simply even more efficient. I just keep feeding my ambition to do more.
Then, I thought maybe this is as happy as it gets, I am expecting too much. That made me sad and a little mad.
Unsatisfied with my own answers, I kept thinking while I doodled the word busy in Chinese on my notebook. Looking down at my doodle, I noticed something... the word busy, was a 2 part word, read separately, I was writing "heart dying".
The word busy in Chinese means "heart dying"
WHOA! There it was! I was really busy doing for the sake of doing with no purpose. In fact, my heart was dying because of it. No wonder I felt like a hamster on a wheel! This was a huge ah-ha!
I cleared the rest of my week. Instead of untangling & fighting my schedule, I went back to the drawing board and asked myself what gets my blood flowing. I listened to myself, and looked for what made my heart beat. Finding it was like uncovering a gem in the rocks.
Next step was clear as day. I prioritized ruthlessly. It sucked many ways but it didn't hurt. I didn't feel a sense loss that I had feared before by not having or doing something. I felt light, happy, with a sense of purpose.
Since then, I've made 2 changes in my everyday. One, making a conscious effort to give myself more time to think, to feel, to plan. Don't proceed until I feel an alignment with my heart. Two, when people ask "What you been up to?" I try really hard to respond with something of substance because I should never be "just busy".