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#278: Being Both Okay and Not Okay

Lately, when people ask me how I am doing, I cannot answer “Good, how are you?”.

I am not sleeping. I have two little ones going through sleep regressions and health issues and challenges. I am running between their bedrooms and ours and usually by the time I go to lay down in our bed my heart is racing so bad that when I finally do wind down, one of the babies is up again. This is my story nearly every. single. night.

So, truth be told, I am not okay. I am so beyond tired. I am overwhelmed. I often don’t know where to start.

Jaime PosaSeptember 3, 2021Jaime PosaComment

#277: Less Watch, Less Worries

In recent months, I’ve spent most of my days living by my calendar appointments. 8AM? Make coffee. 9:15AM? Check in with my to-do list for the day. 1:00PM? Lunch. 2:00PM? Check back in with the calendar for the day. Weekends and evenings (FKA non-work hours) often get calendar events, too, whether for doing life chores or seeing friends. My past self (or someone from work) had made the decision that it was a good thing to schedule all these doings, so I went along with each one as it came up, more or less. And then, vacation happened. A chance for a break from my regimented routine. I thought, for fun, I would do my best to look at my watch and my calendar as little as possible during the week.

Corey LoftusAugust 13, 2021Corey LoftusComment

#276: Summer-themed Anti Pet Peeves

When I'm able to, I love attending any performance at the Hollywood Bowl (open during the summer) in Los Angeles, my hometown. The first Sound of Music sing-along I attended there was one of the best days of my life to date (before I got married or had either of my children :)).

- Fay Sardjono

This happened twice over the past few days, so here’s my anti-pet peeve for the summer: getting mistakenly squirted with a water gun by a child on a hot day. At first you think “wait, who did that” but it immediately changes to “ah, that felt great” :)

- Ryan Oakes

CommunityJuly 16, 2021Anti Pet PeevesComment

#275: "I've gotten really good at being depressed"

I came across this line, my own writing, from a couple years ago. Writing that I kept private, for fear of shame, guilt, permission. Maybe even actualization.

I look at these words now, from my then-future self, and realize how important it was for me to make the observation. To write those words. Then. Now. Every day.

….

“

I’ve gotten really good at being depressed.

I woke up this morning in an all-too familiar state: a blanket heavy with regrets weighing over me, the endless tail-chase of what I could have said and what would have been, playing on repeat in my mind.

Christina PosaJuly 9, 2021Christina PosaComment

#274: Go Slowly, Smoothly

It finally happened a couple weeks ago. My streak of 8 years of not being injured finally came to an end.

The first couple of days of managing my body’s recovery were the most challenging — lots of hopping, RICE, and moving carefully. An ankle sprain is maybe one of the better injuries to have, I think, if I had to choose. It forced me to slow down. “How ridiculous,” I thought as I replayed the incident over and over, “a yoga and meditation teacher getting injured as he’s racing his kids to school”. Sometimes I think the expected traits of the characters I assign to myself often move me farther away from them. But I hadn’t been keeping up with my morning meditation practice… so, in a strange way, maybe my ankle was helping me make up for that lost practice time by slowing me down.

Corey LoftusJuly 2, 2021Corey LoftusComment

#273: Sitting in the Liminal

We’re in this liminal period it seems. We’ve left something behind, but we’re not quite fully in the “something else”.

The world is opening up, but it still feels so closed.

We’re taking off our masks but keeping them on right now feels more important than ever.

We’re free to go back to work, but no one wants to go back to work.

We’re all ready for another “roaring 20s”, but it doesn’t feel right to roar at all right now.

What the hell?

The “re-opening” we were promised wasn’t this.

Robert RoseJune 24, 2021Rob RoseComment

#272: Getting Into Position

I play a lot of racquet sports, more so in the last year thanks to COVID-19. Not just squash, which was off limits for about 6 months, but tennis, platform tennis and, most recently, pickleball (which is becoming hugely popular because it’s so easy to learn).

In my forever quest for improvement, I pay a lot of attention to my technique. I even got an inexpensive tripod recently and took some videos of my squash matches…and quickly had an existential crisis when I saw that my strokes don’t look like the pros’. So I fussed a bunch over my backswing, my follow-through, the position of my racquet.

Sasha DichterJune 18, 2021Sasha DichterComment

#271: It Matters

Here’s what hit me big lately.

Time for your Self matters. I separate “your Self” like that on purpose. Because it reminds me to think of Me. . .my true self. . . that version of me that feels strong and light and grounded and purposeful and powerful and. . . honestly, sometimes. . . just capable.

Because parenting, motherhood, and the early days post-birth with little ones has shaken me. There are days where I honestly feel like I just pretty much stink at everything.

Jaime PosaJune 11, 2021Jaime PosaComment

#270: Euonymus Resilience

Three years ago, we did some work in the garden behind our house to address some drainage issues. This included moving a large, healthy green spire euonymus to an open corner to provide a bit of screening.

The gardener told us that the euonymus is a resilient plant and it would transplant well.

In the first year, it lost half of its leaves, and looked sickly all spring, summer and fall.

In the second year, it was shedding fewer leaves, but it still looked like it wasn’t going to make it.

And this spring, it’s turned the corner. It’s not as big as it used to be, but it’s clearly strong and healthy again, the leaves are a deep green and shiny, and the plant looks healthy. Here it is.

We often take “resilience” to mean that we will be unaffected by hard things, but that’s not how it works.

Sasha DichterJune 4, 2021Sasha DichterComment

#269: Memento Mondays

I attended a virtual conference a couple weeks ago. It was for work, so both my observer mind and participant mind were in attendance. As I was running down the list of sessions, figuring out which spoke to me, one leapt off the page. It was called “How Many Mondays?” I’m a big believer in trusting my gut when I feel big reactions like this (thanks theater and yoga training, and this awesome podcast with Rudy), so I made sure to put it on my calendar.

Corey LoftusMay 28, 2021Corey LoftusComment

#268: Wondering As A Part of Healing

I went for a walk on the beach early yesterday morning and it occurred to me that it was the day before the 5th anniversary of my dad’s passing.

And I started wondering what he was doing 5 years ago, the day before his death.

I wondered if there was any part of him, maybe an unconscious part of him... his soul, that knew that was his last day? I wondered if he was in a good mood that day? Was he noticeably happier or maybe more sad? Or was everything completely the same.

Did he have any unique thoughts or insights that day? Did he find anything strange or out of the ordinary? Were there any signs that death was near, that perhaps didn’t seem significant enough to voice?

I have to imagine that somehow our soul knows even when our mind does not.

Danielle PosaMay 21, 2021Danielle PosaComment

#267: Post-Earth Day Community Share

My anti pet peeve: Looking at buildings and knowing that they can be carbon neutral … just with the right effort … seeing a city that is in tune with nature and not abusing nature. Or when a mosquito bites.. knowing that this is just part of nature… and not to be taken personal.:-)

- Matthias Hollwich

CommunityMay 14, 2021Anti Pet PeevesComment

#266: Picturing the Future

I was lucky enough to escape to my favorite place in New England for a few weeks in March. I didn’t take time off from work, but I still treated it as a bit of a retreat. After a bit of a crazy winter in the city, I took time to do the things that fill my cup - like trail running, biking, and taking long long walks on the beach with my family and our dog - I also intentionally carved out some time to think about my future.

I’ve never been someone who could “picture” the future, like I feel like some people can. The pixels of what your life is like a year, 5 years, 10 years, 50 years down the road. My brain tends to work in concepts and feelings, not minute details and thinking many steps ahead. I hadn’t done an exercise like this since I graduated from college years ago now - I barely recognize the person I was then. It was time to revisit this exercise.

Brynne ThompsonMay 6, 2021Brynne ThompsonComment

#265: Disappointment Lessons

Last week, I defied one of my self-portrait edicts of not letting disappointment linger. I was humbled by a two-dose disappointment case, disappointment in work and people. The definition of disappointment is “Sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.” Were my hopes so high that guaranteed disappointment? I poured my heart and soul into the work, so why it was not received as I expected? And why my friend who I trusted as an ally turned out to be an antagonist? Lingering questions!

Muayyad Al-ChalabiApril 23, 2021Muayyad Al-ChalabiComment

#264: Perspective is Everything

Back in grade school, I enjoyed learning and getting creative with the element of symbolism. I liked when my English teacher asked us to think more deeply about what was revealed in the actions of characters inside our books, or in their names, or in the colors in story settings. I now find myself often seeking the deeper, sometimes hidden meaning of things beyond books and inside my everyday life. I see the stars above representing peace and wonder, a tree bark tangled in vines illustrating resilience, a freshly-filled morning coffee mug embodying warmth, richness, and possibility for the day ahead.

Maybe I try to believe there may be an added element of beauty or magic in certain things even if it’s not immediately apparent. It may just take looking a bit closer at the way simple occurrences or even mundane objects present themselves. Because at times, a new revelation could bloom from them.

So this week’s symbol that portrayed itself was found in my plant (fun fact: it was a gift from Pip). When I received it in the mail, it was just a little seedling. But now after three years, lots of Florida sunshine, and a very long road trip, it has settled here in New York with me.

Amanda PosaApril 7, 2021Amanda PosaComment

#263: Absorbing the Good

Yesterday was the first full day momming two that I felt went entirely smooth. It might have been the first time since Emma was born that I went to sleep without any guilt about the day. Since both had long naps at separate times, I got big chunks of one-on-one time with each and it felt so nice to connect with them uninterrupted. Ellie and I did yoga together for the first time in a really long time. We created a new art corner and used old cardboard to color and paint while listening to her favorite Bob Marley songs. Then she helped me make muffins and managed to steal “a couple” (a lot) of chocolate chips and I managed to not freak out about it. Emma and I got to stare at each other for a while and smile. We snuggled and relaxed - which felt so good to just enjoy without guilt. And my husband and I got to have a quiet lunch together!

Jaime PosaMarch 25, 2021Jaime PosaComment

#262: Teddy's Reading Practice

My son, Teddy, has started reading; piecing together words sound by sound. It’s a remarkable experience to witness, and makes me burst with pride.

This morning, when I asked him to practice reading the words on a note card from his teacher, he was game. The first 5 times Teddy “read” the sentence, it said “Teddy did all his work.” (See the attached photo to see what was actually written.) Despite a couple minutes of coaching to practice actually reading, he wasn’t interested, and wouldn’t hear that it said something else (though of course the message is similar).

How many times in my life have I behaved this way? When have I listened to or read something juuuusssssst well enough to make some guess as to what the transmitter was working to get across, without truly listening? I know I did this while learning to play the cello in elementary school. It was a lot more work to pay attention and play what was actually written on the page than to play what I imagined the piece to be. I was skimming the page and reading only what I THOUGHT was written.

Corey LoftusMarch 19, 2021Corey LoftusComment

#261: Visits and Views

I love this pic. My Dad took it in 2011... my backyard in El Salvador. He came to visit and we went for a walk to the falls with these little kiddos/my close friends & my chuchito (my wild doggie). I never thought my dad would visit me there - sleep on the floor, bucket bathe outside with cold water, use my outhouse, and carry a Spanish dictionary around. He was mad when I told him I was joining the peace corps after college. And he wasn’t ecstatic to learn I’d be living 27 months in one of the most dangerous countries in the world - - it also has some of the hardest working & kindest people, but that doesn’t come up in the News or Google.

Jaime PosaMarch 2, 2021Jaime PosaComment

#260: Two Extra Hours

When this pandemic is over, I will start commuting back in to work.

My commute is a 10-minute walk to the train, a 40 minute train ride, and another 10 minute walk to the office. That adds up to one hour each way, twice a day, five days a week.

The question is: where will I find that time?

Sasha DichterFebruary 26, 2021Sasha DichterComment

#259: Falling Off the Creative Cliff!

Have you ever lost your keys?

If you’re like me, you walk around telling yourself, “They can’t be there,” (then you look anyway). “They should be here,” (though you’ve looked there four times).

At some point, you say to no one in particular, “I know they’ll be in the last place I look!”

Well duh! Of course they will. Once you find them, why would you keep looking?

So, I attend a TON of Zoom Meetings these days. Just me? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Anyway, last month, I was talking about creative brainstorming with a colleague of mine. We were talking about his team’s struggle with their creative brainstorming meetings. Since the meetings have moved to a virtual format, she said, it’s been increasingly hard to generate quality creative ideas. I could totally relate. Our feeling was that the limitations of virtual meetings and the lack of in-person chemistry seemed like a “new reality”.

Robert RoseFebruary 19, 2021Rob RoseComment