#262: Teddy's Reading Practice
I was quickly reminded of Joe Esposito's 20 Greatest Hits on Listening, wonderfully written back in 2018, after reading Corey's blog. "Talking less and listening more" was actually one of my new year's resolutions for this year. And Corey's piece has me consider more how perhaps listening, deeply listening, is a skill that takes practice over time to truly strengthen and cultivate. I feel there may always be a bit more to gain and learn and understand from someone's words, even written words as well. For me, it may just take being fully present to access it in that moment, despite a busy world and hectic schedule.
Joe's "20 Greatest Hits on Listening" is attached below as a PDF if you'd like to take a look! I think each and every one of his 20 learnings are unique and hold so much wisdom.
- Amanda
TEDDY'S READING PRACTICE
My son, Teddy, has started reading; piecing together words sound by sound. It’s a remarkable experience to witness, and makes me burst with pride.
This morning, when I asked him to practice reading the words on a note card from his teacher, he was game. The first 5 times Teddy “read” the sentence, it said “Teddy did all his work.” (See the attached photo to see what was actually written.) Despite a couple minutes of coaching to practice actually reading, he wasn’t interested, and wouldn’t hear that it said something else (though of course the message is similar).
How many times in my life have I behaved this way? When have I listened to or read something juuuusssssst well enough to make some guess as to what the transmitter was working to get across, without truly listening? I know I did this while learning to play the cello in elementary school. It was a lot more work to pay attention and play what was actually written on the page than to play what I imagined the piece to be. I was skimming the page and reading only what I THOUGHT was written.
It’s not, of course, that I don’t know how to read. But it takes more energy to ACTIVELY read: to become fully present with the text, considering alternate meanings to what’s been written, and how it connects with everything else in my web of knowledge.
I sometimes find myself in this place in conversations, too. When I feel time pressure, particularly. “Okay... uh huh, uh huh... so that’s what you’re looking for? I’ll figure out how to do it. See ya!” As I race off to the next call or Slack message. Inevitably, I’ve missed something important, and now have to spend time retracing that person, who is much harder to get in one place than a written message.
It can feel like a drag to have to slow down and retrace the words, or conversation, especially as the day keeps moving along. But I think the cost of NOT going back to gain true understanding is far greater... it can mean losing nuance (at best), or living in my own illusion, thinking I truly know what’s going on around me (at worst).
I think deep listening (of which deep reading is a permutation) is an innate skill all humans possess. It gets refined over time, and through practice. But to have it activated all the time, or at the right times, is an art.
