CFC Blog #180: Friendship in the Times of Pandemic
I’ve known Maria for a few years now, and I’ve come to know her presence as a steady voice through uncertainty - which I am appreciating now more than ever. Amongst all the data and the headlines and public health guidelines we are being bombarded with, this a breath of fresh air, and word of encouragement in what I am calling not just a pandemic of physical illness, but also a pandemic of despair. Thank you, Maria, for encoring us to lean into relationships with one another right now. And feel better soon.
- Lauren
Friendship in the Times of Pandemic
Earlier today, I replied to a message from Melissa, who, as usual, wrote me a kind note of friendship and encouragement. I told her that lately, our Zoom sessions and dinners about community made me connect even more with a passage in a recently published book about the biology and evolution of friendship (Isn’t it great? Friendship has a fundamental biological aspect to it, and it goes beyond human physiology! I am totally hooked on this book!).
The book introduced me to a quote from C.S. Lewis, that I truly liked, because it is thought-provoking: "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... it has no survival value, rather it is one of those things which gives value to survival."
As a friend, as a human, as a Biologist, and in full agreement with the author of the book, Lydia Denworth, I must say that friendship, art, philosophy, all of it, they do have survival value. Literally. At a minimum, if we think of friendship alone, there is already plenty evidence that we live longer if we have friends (you see how amazingly important you all are?!).
But, I’ll tell you more: what Melissa didn’t know is that after my most recent mission last week in Harare, my boss, who was also on the trip, and I, have both been quarantined. He fell very ill upon our return, and I was fine until yesterday evening – I have just developed an annoying cough, and now, myalgia. It can be normal; it can be nothing. There are two other colleagues as ill as he is, from other Sections (but they were not a part of our mission in Zimbabwe). The UN doctors are monitoring all of us, but there is no test available, none of us made the cut, yet. Now, all of UNICEF staff from NYHQ (and from the entire UN in NY) are going to work from home for the next four weeks. I have only been inside my apartment since Monday, as soon as we were sent back home. If I do have the virus SARS CoV-2, I hope I have not risked anyone’s health before the quarantine, which is a precaution, and we know we are trying to play it safe.
During this short isolation so far, through which I must reiterate, I was absolutely asymptomatic, I have received the generous knowledge of a possible ‘future’ of ours, as old friends living in Italy keep sending videos and messages with their account of how life is there, now.
So today, I have even more evidence, it is proven: friendship has an outstanding survival value in the time of pandemics! Let me tell you why...
From detailed narratives of step-by-step public health decisions, to the lives of families for weeks in their pajamas and in close quarters becoming kings and queens of thousands of pieces puzzles, to fun stories of online breakfasts, to the singing in the balcony with new friends, who were just neighbors, who were just strangers... there are also the stories of the lives outside their homes, and people are taking care of each other. They wear gloves, masks, they respect the minimum distance from each other, they patiently wait in line, and no one complains.
The flowers in the street are solidarity and friendship. People do not seem to panic, the ones who told me their story, are doing all this to take care of the chronically ill, of the homeless who cannot isolate themselves within walls, of the elderly in the market or at home, of the senior owners of the stores, of grandpas and grandmas. They all became true priorities. There is a collective thinking, acting, caring, for one another.
This pandemic has been sad, but maybe there is also something beautiful to experience, after all. These stories give me strength: we can learn, we can do better. There is no way out of this global risk that will not go through a rebuilding phase from a collective response to this challenge. It is evident that engaging responsibly as friends, is the best, if not the only defense we have for now (and may we learn from this pandemic, and do better for all the other current global challenges! - I would not be a good UNICEF officer if I weren't optimistic!! Hey, I work for kids!).
As I wrote to Melissa, being among all of you and being treated in such a kind, exciting, and constructive way has been one of the most amazing gifts of the life I've been building in NYC. Thank you, with all my heart and friendship.
Let’s keep each other safe.
Lots of love, Maria.