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I have two goals this next twelve months for the Community for Change.
I want to share them because I sense if I share them, the odds of them happening may go way up.
But before that…I spoke with my high school basketball coach, Joe Mayer, yesterday.
Why would anyone still stay connected to their high school basketball coach decades after high school ended?
Kelly helped me figure it out a bit this morning.
Read MoreHello everyone! Around this time of year, I tend to reflect on the year behind me and the year ahead. And while it's inspiring to set intentions and resolutions for the new year, I think it's often just as important to bring myself back to the present moment and the little heartwarming occurrences that may often go unnoticed but can have a lasting joyful impact.
For anyone who isn't familiar, an anti pet peeve is the opposite of a pet peeve. So rather than zooming in on life's little annoyances/discomforts, anti pet peeves shed light on the tiny yet meaningful instances of pleasure and joy. Pip - Thanks for bringing this idea to life that helps to foster a more mindful, daily experience!
Below are the collections gathered for this month from a few different members in the CFC Community! We plan to create a list every other month with new contributors, so there is much more to come! Enjoy :)
- Amanda
Read MoreIt’s been a weird year out there. A key lesson that has helped me this year is to continually ask, “What “eyes” am I currently judging this situation with?” I won’t belabor all the versions here – but you’ll know what I mean if I just say that there are “child’s eyes” and “adult’s eyes,” “cynical eyes” and “the ego’s eyes” etc... Put simply, I’m compelled to ask what lens is coloring my judgement in any given situation.
Read MoreEvery time I think of my dear friend and mentor, Hale, I feel warm.
He passed away about 8 years ago. We met in Maine. At the Wayfarer. He took me in.
When I learned of his passing I stopped.
I cried. I was so thankful beyond words that I have.
I knew there would be a lot to “process.” Maybe “process” first and foremost means “feel” as opposed to “think through.”
I don’t know.
At a recent celebration of a past teacher of mine, a keynote speaker told a story of a purpose.
A city dweller had purchased land on a whim in the countryside and had forged a connection with the farmer next door. After some time, the farmer, unable to care for the land alone, found himself preparing to move into an assisted living home. The city dweller purchased some of the farmer’s chairs and stopped by to pick them up. The farmer remarked that he was grateful that someone he knew and cared about was taking the chairs. Surprised by this, the city dweller inquired why - they were nice, solid chairs, but certainly not heirlooms pieces. What was it about the chairs?
Read MoreA little while ago, Larry Bissonette came to Cincinnati for a visit. Larry was the subject of a film “Wretches and Jabberers,” following some of his global travels. He is both autistic and use typing as a way of expressing his thoughts. In the first few scenes of the movie, he flaps his hands and paces around rooms and repeat phrases that seemed typically “autistic” to me. But soon though, be began typing, sharing profound, insightful and relevant thoughts.
At Starfire, Larry and his facilitator, Pascal, told the story of how Larry studied and practiced a sort of mindful, meditative focus that allows him to move his fingers enough to type out his thoughts.
Read MoreI am thankful for the idea than any stress in my life relates to quality of life and not the ability to live. And when I think about it like this, an imaginary pin pops an imaginary balloon and I sigh with the relief that I don’t have real stress in my life. Instead, I have a sense of urgency and a deep motivation to win and to help people grow and achieve their goals, which is fun. And then I realize that I get to just have fun doing what I love to do, and I’m so thankful! - Angie Dalton
I’m really grateful for my mother in law who takes care of our kids once a week, so that my wife and I can go out together for an evening. - Jags Walia
My daughter got pregnant this year and is due the last week in January! - Irwin Kula
Read MoreThis past week I think I might have learned the key to the success of my marriage, and to any relationship for that matter. And I’m not overstating that. Maybe for those of you who have been married for a long time, what I’m about to say might occur as somewhat obvious to you, but I’ve been married for about a year. So let’s just say, for me, this was nothing short of a huge revelation. I also felt that by acknowledging this lesson in a blog, I would be more likely to hold myself accountable to utilizing this lesson in the future.
Ok so… with that said. I had what was probably my worst argument with my spouse in all the years that I’ve known him. For context, we’ve been married for a year, been together for 3, have known each other for 13 and dated in college.
Read MoreA few years back, for a few days I was really struggling as I was thinking that my attempts to nurture community in the world were utterly fruitless. I called my son Eamon late one night as I was driving on 95N somewhat dejectedly crossing into New Hampshire on my way to Maine.
He responded that he knew community was extraordinarily important to me.
Read MoreCollaboration is such a powerful interaction that in the history of life, once it appears, the evolutionary advantage is so significant, that chances are it will not go away in time. This means that there are strong mechanisms that sustain it throughout evolutionary time.
Read More“We don’t wake up to save the world. Rather, we wake up to wonder a little more about how other people are doing… And how our actions affect their well-being.” - Ani Pema Chodron
In our family somewhere about 15 to 18 years ago, the word “fair” became known as the “f” word. I asked our bickering, complaining five-year-old kids what they really meant by “fair” in some heated moment and they couldn’t define it.
Read MoreI can remember, not that long ago, when the phone rang at your house, it was lottery time. There was no caller ID, no text messaging to deliver “I’m calling you now” alerts. The phone rang. It could be anybody – your sister, your mother, your best friend, a telemarketer, or even a prank caller (“Is your refrigerator running”). But you’d always answer it. You picked up the handset and said, “Hello?”
Read MoreAfter visiting the nonprofit Starfire in Cincinnati the other week for a series of workshops on disability and inclusion, I debriefed with Founder Tim Vogt, his wife, and a new friend in the car as we drove to the airport. We got talking about how our society tends to “value” people, and how to push back against our habit of valuing those people who are physically and mentally able-bodied more.
Tim offered one way: he will always ask when he walks into a room “who is the most vulnerable person here?” and then try to orient his actions so that person is put first. For example, he told the story of earlier that day deciding where to sit for lunch. While there were many people he could have caught up with, he noticed a girl who was nonverbal and who was sitting alone – he immediately knew he should sit and talk with her.
Read MoreThe problem with most advice is that it’s delivered as “here’s what I think you should do.”
Yet it typically reflects, “here’s what I did in a similar situation.”
That old situation and this new one are never the same: different time, different place, different people.
Plus, upon receiving that kind of advice, we end up stuck again: we’ve turned to someone we trust who has more experience with this type of thing than we have. Hearing their advice, we face a new dilemma: is their wisdom, experience and fresh perspective more valid than what we (closer to the texture and nuance of the situation) see and know?
Read MoreIf you were to walk out onto the court of Arthur Ashe Stadium at the US Open, you would pass a plaque with a quote from the tennis legend Billie Jean King: “Pressure is a privilege.”
This is what I told my sister the other week over the phone: pressure is a privilege. She recently started a new operations role at a big financial services company and has been feeling extremely anxious about the job. One small mistake could have ripple effects for her boss, her coworkers, or clients. Even though she is not necessarily “high up” in the company, she holds a lot of power over choices that need to be made.
I’ve had some rough days the last month - where I get home from my internship and unlock my door and just lay flat in bed, being weighed down by heavy thoughts and feelings that float around in my head as it rests on the pillow.
The last month was my first month of graduate school. “It’s just the work load,” I’d repeat to myself each day after taking off my backpack and intern clothes. “I just have a lot on my plate so I’m stressed. Tomorrow will be better.”
Read MoreTwo years ago, after attending a talk by Bryan Stevenson, the Founder of Equal Justice Initiative,
(EJI), I raised my hand to become a penpal to one of their clients, a prisoner who had been tried and incarcerated as a youth. Part of EJI’s mission is to defend clients they believe were punished too harshly when they were sentenced as children under laws designed for adults.
About three weeks later I received my assignment to write with someone I’ll refer to as DL. DL is living a life sentence in a prison in South Dakota. He’s been there for 18 years, more than half of his
life.
Read MoreLast week I watched a long-awaited matchup between two of the world’s most promising young female players in the US Open: Coco Gauff (a 15-year-old fans adore) and Naomi Osaka (the 21-year-old defending 2018 champion).
Last year, Osaka played Serena Williams in a very controversial final match. Serena - who is currently only two majors away from holding the record for most ever held - was given a warning by the umpire that was a pretty iffy. She struggled to mentally tough it out and ended up losing her confidence and her game spiraled very emotionally. Osaka ended up winning the tournament, but not without tears holding as the crowd booed, believing Serena should have won and the umpire was not fair. An awful way to win your first major tournament at the age of 20.
There are many ways to save a life.
Let us not think little of the way we greet our doorman
Of the smiles we give out on the sidewalks
Of the dinners we make for our friends.
Not everyone stops to say hello
And some people go entire days unnoticed
Coming home to empty houses
With walls full of photographs of people who don't phone.
Make the time.
The other week, I found myself saying “I am so terrified about the gap between what is in my head and what is true in reality.”
I just wrapped up my masters dissertation that focused on some research that has exploded in the last couple of years about how women’s mental health can really suffer due to sanitation concerns in developing countries. Even if they have access to a toilet that, by standards set by the WHO, are considered “improved” and therefore report as great progress towards achieving the global goals, women won’t use them if they don’t feel safe doing so. This doesn’t show up in the metrics.
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