#151: How to give and get better advice

The problem with most advice is that it’s delivered as “here’s what I think you should do.”

Yet it typically reflects, “here’s what I did in a similar situation.”

That old situation and this new one are never the same: different time, different place, different people.

Plus, upon receiving that kind of advice, we end up stuck again: we’ve turned to someone we trust who has more experience with this type of thing than we have. Hearing their advice, we face a new dilemma: is their wisdom, experience and fresh perspective more valid than what we (closer to the texture and nuance of the situation) see and know?

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Sasha DichterSasha DichterComment
#150: Pressure Is a Privilege

If you were to walk out onto the court of Arthur Ashe Stadium at the US Open, you would pass a plaque with a quote from the tennis legend Billie Jean King: “Pressure is a privilege.”

This is what I told my sister the other week over the phone: pressure is a privilege. She recently started a new operations role at a big financial services company and has been feeling extremely anxious about the job. One small mistake could have ripple effects for her boss, her coworkers, or clients. Even though she is not necessarily “high up” in the company, she holds a lot of power over choices that need to be made.

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Lauren CulbertsonLauren CulbertsonComment
#149: Showing Up

I’ve had some rough days the last month - where I get home from my internship and unlock my door and just lay flat in bed, being weighed down by heavy thoughts and feelings that float around in my head as it rests on the pillow.  

The last month was my first month of graduate school. “It’s just the work load,” I’d repeat to myself each day after taking off my backpack and intern clothes. “I just have a lot on my plate so I’m stressed. Tomorrow will be better.”

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Amanda PosaAmanda PosaComment
#148: Each of us is more than the worst thing we've ever done

Two years ago, after attending a talk by Bryan Stevenson, the Founder of Equal Justice Initiative,

(EJI), I raised my hand to become a penpal to one of their clients, a prisoner who had been tried and incarcerated as a youth. Part of EJI’s mission is to defend clients they believe were punished too harshly when they were sentenced as children under laws designed for adults.

 

About three weeks later I received my assignment to write with someone I’ll refer to as DL. DL is living a life sentence in a prison in South Dakota. He’s been there for 18 years, more than half of his

life.

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Brynne ThompsonBrynne ThompsonComment
#147: What a 21 Year Old Tennis Player Can Teach Us About Leadership

Last week I watched a long-awaited matchup between two of the world’s most promising young female players in the US Open: Coco Gauff (a 15-year-old fans adore) and Naomi Osaka (the 21-year-old defending 2018 champion).

Last year, Osaka played Serena Williams in a very controversial final match. Serena - who is currently only two majors away from holding the record for most ever held - was given a warning by the umpire that was a pretty iffy. She struggled to mentally tough it out and ended up losing her confidence and her game spiraled very emotionally. Osaka ended up winning the tournament, but not without tears holding as the crowd booed, believing Serena should have won and the umpire was not fair. An awful way to win your first major tournament at the age of 20.

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Lauren CulbertsonLauren CulbertsonComment
#146: To Save a Life

There are many ways to save a life.

Let us not think little of the way we greet our doorman
Of the smiles we give out on the sidewalks
Of the dinners we make for our friends.
Not everyone stops to say hello
And some people go entire days unnoticed
Coming home to empty houses
With walls full of photographs of people who don't phone.
Make the time.

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Jaime PosaJaime PosaComment
#145: A Student Mindset

The other week, I found myself saying “I am so terrified about the gap between what is in my head and what is true in reality.”

I just wrapped up my masters dissertation that focused on some research that has exploded in the last couple of years about how women’s mental health can really suffer due to sanitation concerns in developing countries. Even if they have access to a toilet that, by standards set by the WHO, are considered “improved” and therefore report as great progress towards achieving the global goals, women won’t use them if they don’t feel safe doing so. This doesn’t show up in the metrics.

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Lauren CulbertsonLauren CulbertsonComment
#144: What's Your Take On Speed Bumps?

Jorgen's piece reminded me of a thought that’s been brewing since a couple of weeks ago. 

I helped run a two week outdoor education program through Tinkergarten. To get to the location you had to drive to the way back of a park, which required going over about 12 speed bumps. The first time I pulled in I thought to myself “Wow, this is annoying and I will have to leave earlier tomorrow to get through this and into the woods on time.” (Mind you my 6 month baby was going with me and the drive was usually her nap time so I reeeeally had to mind the speed bumps). 

The second time I went down speed bump lane I knew what was coming and knew there was no avoiding so I just took a deep breath and got on with it. 

And then, around day three, half way through the course I realized I wasn’t thinking about the speed bumps at all. I was looking around at the gorgeous scenery. I waved to a few dog walkers. I couldn’t believe how peaceful the morning was. 

By the end of week 1, I couldn’t wait to drive in and I smiled at every speed bump. The road in runs along a beautiful stream. There are bridges. Loads of dogs and happy walkers. It’s so so green. And the sounds are so soothing.

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Jaime PosaJaime PosaComment
#143: Making Change Last

This summer I went on a family holiday to Croatia. It's a beautiful country with great nature and we planned for a whole lot of activities to do outdoor. One of those activities was rock climbing and it had a great lesson about change in it.  

My son Merlijn is 14 years old and back home you can find him twice a week in an indoor climbing venue where he gets trained on different ascends with varying degrees of difficulty. He's been doing it for almost two years now and it was one of the reasons why we wanted to go climbing in Croatia so that he could have the experience of climbing in nature as well. I don't climb at all, but during our summer holiday I made an effort to follow in my sons footsteps (as did my 6 year old daughter and my wife). We went out with a guide and climbed a few routes that we're all easy to do. But then at the end of our time she took us to one that would challenge Merlijn, as she could see it was all too easy for him (for those of you who do climb rocks this was a route with difficulty 5b).

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Jörgen Van der SlootComment
#142: I Never Told You

I'm sitting here

Looking at the blue painting that hangs over my bed

It’s a brown-haired girl floating on the ocean’s surface

You said you bought it because she reminded you of me

And I asked if I could take it for my room

Because I needed decor for the walls

And I didn’t really tell you how much I love it

Or really ever thanked you for it

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Amanda PosaComment
#141: The Fear of Failure

The past six months or so, I’ve been working with a client on the preparation for an immersive session with their global leadership team. They would like to change some behaviors of their team to become more adaptive to change. In their traditionally risk-averse environment, one of the key things they want to work on is dealing with failure. Up until now, failure is not an option in this organization. There is a fear of failure that is almost coded in their DNA. So the question arises: how do you change this attitude and create a culture that accepts failure as an opportunity to grow?

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Jörgen Van der SlootComment
#140: Comfy Cozy Summer Nights

A few weeks ago, my sisters and I spontaneously decided to hop on the NYC ferry to Rockaway Beach. It was our very first time on the ferry (some real New Yorkers we are!). After the beach and some very authentic New York deli sandwiches for dinner, we were a little sleepy. So we were a bit disgruntled when we got back to the ferry as the line to board wrapped around multiple blocks. 

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Amanda PosaComment
#139: My Month with Music

July was a month of self-discovery and new experiences.

 

It was the first summer my kids were away while I stayed behind in NYC. I made a conscious decision to not feel anxious or sad. Instead, I was to focus on myself and spend July working on becoming…

 

…a better dancer.

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Julie SunComment
#138: Picture Books

I sweep the dust away from the drain and continue to sift through his things. So many things. Pieces of track and mini cars and houses to the Lionel train collection. A “for sale by owner” sign with his number still written across the front. A toilet paper roll hung from the ceiling, probably to blow his nose from saw dust or leaf clippings or the smell of house paint. So many extension cords I wonder how far he ever intended to go.

 

Staring into this shed, I see my childhood in a million pieces. 

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Christina PosaComment
#135: Humans Are More Interesting Than The Grand Canyon

I think we seem to take ourselves – us 7 billion humans now, and the ones in our lineage -- and what we have accomplished so far -- for granted.

 

I don’t think we think highly of ourselves… as we had a human community scale “we esteem” issue.  We would never have required Nike to tell us “Just Do It” if we lived in the space of knowing we can do it.   

But maybe worse…

…I think we just take ourselves for granted not recognizing what an amazing species we are.  

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Pip CoburnComment
#134: The Summit Isn't the Point

Over the last few months, I’ve had the most interesting experience. It started when I had a colleague that I hadn’t talked to in a couple of years reach out and reconnect.

 

He had been a senior guy at a big technology firm, and he’d created a series of masterful marketing initiatives that propelled him from manager to VP within the course of 18 months. But he was unhappy. He ignored that empty feeling he had and began to simply work harder and longer to try and duplicate the innovation that had powered his meteoric rise. Within six months, he became convinced that it was internal politics that was stopping him, and he started picking fights with his leadership team. Ultimately, he began taking calls from recruiters, and ultimately took a slightly lower level job at a competitor.

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Robert RoseComment
#133: Why The Woods

I never know what I come for, I just know I must come. 

 

The forest is a painting of patchy yellows and browns, peeking with red, and yet quickly fading with the time of seasons. The messy array of oak, maple and tulip tree leaves on my path is a most beautiful canvas that I brush intuitively with my feet. I often find ourselves in conversation here - the limbs, the bark, the fleeing birds, the silence, and me.

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Jaime PosaComment